End of Part 1

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At age 12, I started resisting growing up. I felt ageless, in an aging body. There was a distorted connection between the demands of my body, what society asked, and “me being”.

Torn apart between two worlds, I was the one lost in between.

The Feminine surrounded me with its “receiving softness”. Yet, for my lack of listening, I saw only with the perception of desire, lust, and possession. I wanted to make it mine. My own twisted version of what is the “woman”, asked and sucked, more out of me.

The child and his dreams, were shadowed by the aggression of man and his nightmare.

It was inevitable, like Life itself, that I would resort to heroin. I wanted something that I believed I didn’t have, and that same thinking, demanded of me to look “outside”. That, was the nightmare. That, is war, greed, tyranny, fueled by desperation. Just to put a clear picture for you that is reading this; imagine yourself clinging to your last breath, drowning, buried alive. I thought that Life is like “that”…and from “that” I wanted to get rid of, irrelevant if it meant dying.

See what causes you pain, and try to see if you love it in a way that you want more of it, or if you are unable to let it go.

“That”, is addiction.

End of Part 1

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I listen. I write. It happens. It is…

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You might ask, why do I mention, and address Love so much?

Well, what other is there, that deserves being mentioned?

This Love has shown itself to me, at a very young age. Not knowing what it was, I distanced myself from it by using heavy drugs.

It speaks to me, and I listen. Yet, I have confused it for the connection between me and women. Hence why I was never satisfied with such relationships. This Love knows no other. It only is itself.

It doesn’t seek, nor compromises. It is impatient as a curious child, yet silent as Night. It burns in my Heart like a wildfire, ready to devour every false concept of it, me, and other.

When I mention it, there is no one that is being addressed, for this Love is not personal. It is a deep call, without voice, from within the depths of Soul.

It is here, to meet itself.

In my interpretations, I have misunderstood myself. As such, others have misinterpreted my words, for I still held seeking and longing in my desires.

There is no person, that can rise to this Love.

Yet, there is still that darkness that lurks within my mind, playing tricks of pleasurable nature. I used to see myself in that, but it is no more. This Love has no shadow…nothing to be compared with, for it is the eternal seed that holds the flower.

This is no motivational talk, and it holds no romance. It is direct as one’s pure truth can be.

It is a testament, for words have now lost their expressive value, and thus became Life…bound to no thing…free from, yet not separate from all.

Words are now that for me. I listen. I write. It happens. It is…

Love!?

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Love…how many times I have asked myself and wondered about the meaning of this word? Countless for sure. Lately I was caught up in another web of illusion, where Love was seen as this hippie free for all loving state of affairs. Seeking at one go more than one lover, with the selfish belief that I was spreading “love” here and there, like some magic fairy dust, culminating the pair in an orgasm. Well, realization is sometimes a tough pill to swallow, because down with it goes our pride, as shit down the shitter.
Society created the delusional belief of the “right one”, just to keep feeding the illusion we already live in. What is good for me today, can be poisonous tomorrow…those that one fine day discover that what they have been eating, was just killing them faster, surely can vouch for this. All is in change, who I was yesterday is no longer here. So how can we think that we can live with “and they lived happily ever after” motto. Face it, in every affair there will be ups and downs, and to go through them one has to practise acceptance and surrender towards oneself and others. And if after trying all that, it is still not working, well, it’s time to let go my friend…make yourself and others free! (I am telling this to myself as I am writing)
Love is the coagulated blood under the skin that forms bruises. Love is the earth in quakes, opening up huge spaces on the face of the land just to create the right environment for new species to thrive. Love is the hardship we face just till we learn that so needed lesson. Love is not bound only to man/woman, man/man, woman/woman. Love is the lioness in hunt sinking it’s claws in the deer to feed it’s cubs. Love is the black widow that kills it’s mate to have enough energy to harness eggs. Love is not free. Love needs work, work on oneself first and foremost. Love is the flow of water, dragging everything with it to the godliness of the ocean. Love is the hawk in it’s flight, and the wind under it’s wings. Love can be Death when it comes to reclaim the life of the sufferer, who got sick and tired with enduring pain that was twisting his insides and made his body twitch. Love is when night meets day, and day fades in night. Love is the darkness in ecstasy with light.
Everything has purpose, that being to serve in our growth as human beings. Getting us more and more concious of our actions and patterns. Love will swipe you of your feet, either with a gentle breeze or with a hurricane wind. Love will happen when duality ends.tumblr_ncpsxc9M8g1tmgho8o1_1280

Center

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I am in search for something far greater than what can be seen, a passion that never withers. In people I look for mystery and intrigue, for those same questions that I pose to myself and creation. Although I search, I don’t move. I stay in myself as the seed stays in the center of the flower. I patiently enjoy the wait in the company of a sweet breeze, for She one day will come to blow these petals away. The Universe is directing us towards each other by an individual path, one of self love and love of All.

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Sexual Energy

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One of the the first forms of art was dance. Man danced for rain when there was no tongue to sing with yet. Man danced in ecstasy, loosing himself completely to the raw sexual energy of Existence. And this sexual energy is what drives all. It brings to unity the polar opposites of male and female, dark and light. Through this same energy that in sexual intimacy we feel whole, we feel one, nothing is missing in us. Now, the thing is, that we as individuals possess both male and female polarities, to which the ritual of sex brings us closer to that polarity in us that we suppressed or never acknowledge.

Why are we afraid of loosing control?

Is it because it will throw light on that half of me that I always kept hidden, in the dark?

Creators of Destiny

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We call it Destiny, yet when we see it unfolding in front of us we get afraid, some end up saying “I didn’t want this!”

We forget that with each step we take comes a decision, therefore we chose this path – no one else did, and we shouldn’t let others or any kind of law decide what is best for us. Destiny is not something fixed. We are the creators of it!.
We have to come in terms with ourselves so we can understand better. Don’t pretend others to understand you, or the decision you take, because sometimes they never will.
Imagine your self as a pool of still water, unmoved. Than a breeze comes, or a leaf falls, or a rock had penetrated to your depths, causing ripples, waves on your surface or core. Those are all Life’s situations, creating feelings, sometimes even turbulence in you. Big or small, they all brought change in your Life and in your Being. I call expansion, evolution. Accept all that, and you will find your self surfing on top waves of soul. What you have been afraid of, has now made you a better human being, realizing that there is nothing, “no thing” to be afraid of.
I am embracing Death as part of my daily Life, present in each moment.
I am that space where Soul meets Life.

Edge of the Road

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I was sitting at the edge of the road, when I saw your face on a cloud passing by. Something told me that you where not far away. I searched your words in articles of magazines. Looked for captured moments in precious photos albums.

Found you lingering in the corner of my street. Your eyes said that you were waiting for me. You held my mouth with your kiss as if not wanting me to speak, only your lips made me breathe. Hanged to your tongue as a child to his mother’s breasts. While you pressed my thigh as sea does to land, biting my neck with gentle force as that of a tiger carrying her young.

Fear of the world drifted away,
While our voice had nothing to say.