We call it Destiny, yet when we see it unfolding in front of us we get afraid, some end up saying “I didn’t want this!”
ayahuasca, dance, dawn, death, discovery, drugs, kiss, life, love, meditation, Messenger, nature, now, photography, poetry, psychedelic, re-birth, reflection, search, sex, Spirituality, travelling, universe, woman
Do you know the feeling of when entering a cave, while outside the cold wind blows so hard that it tears off your skin – a devilish rupture? The first assimilation of the senses, is the welcoming warm humidity of the cave, a cosines that reminds me of home – the womb. Where all exterior sounds and noises fade in the echoing melody of water droplets falling gracefully to their destiny of rock. Placed myself in the depths of the cave, staring at walls that recited the story written in scars on my own body.
There’s a place, a space, with no face – a connection between man and woman, so deep, so innocent, beyond the pleasures of body, where ego can’t even linger in its shadow.
It’s when you share a pair of headphones, while listening to a song, sitting at the shore, observing and listening to the sea as he sculptures the land with his salty waters in the background.
When you kiss the tears coming down from each other’s eyes, holding each other tight. Where the broad shoulder of man has purpose, to hold her head high, to the bluest of skies, while she cries. Together they go revisiting each other’s past and come back as new born children.
“I see the Sun hiding behind clouds, in her morning shyness.
She just woke up and yet She shines bright.
And those comforting words that She whispers to me,
So softly bring tears to my eyes;
“I love you child”
When we are given birth into this world, we are empty of knowledge, yet full of wisdom. With age, our families, society with it’s schools, employment, and structural programming of chaotic wants and neediness, start to teach us this and that. What time we have to eat. How to eat. What to dress. They try to shape us into something we are not. They try to make us believe that life is hard, so I have to be strong, tough, therefore I don’t have the luxury to feel cause I have to move on to the next thing, and next, and more, more…
The most magnificent journey we are presented with, is that of inner discovery. One that is limitless, where even the sky has no boundaries and the clouds are there to dance on. Most of us travel the Earth to get a sense of the sheer magnificence of all, others travel the dark corners of thought with drugs. Both situations isolate us from the chaotic world of social hierchy and false security. We realise that in Life there is no security. Life herself is a Goddess of insecurities. Through embracing that insecurity we become fearless. We enter a space of continuous newness…a state of godliness.
The unknown is always greater than the known. The known is limited by its own volume. The unknown doesn’t have volume, it cannot be contained.
Life is the journey of discovering one’s Self.
When I was a kid my parents satisfied most of my wants, although not instantly. Being that we are two boys, my parents always had to buy two of each thing. If it was a BMX or something else, my parents saved money, and we would get it for Christmas. They didn’t buy us unnecessary things, and we always had to wait for them. They were teaching us the value of things, together with the value of waiting. I never was the type to wait, and surely was the type that always want more. I would even manipulate my brother to let me play with his toys, so while my toys were all still brand new, his were all half broken. I wanted to see how the toy works, so I would use my brother’s for that.
Since a couple of weeks back, one of my wishes was to get in bed with as much women as possible. But from last week Life taught me better. I was deluding myself in the belief that freedom is having what I want, I was wrong! I realized that to have all that I wanted meant to focus on many things at once, to again manipulate and control circumstances in my favor, which resulted in total waste of energy. I realized that in trying to obtain these wants were distracting me from my own reality.
If it’s a woman, I decide to have one, for she deserves to be given true value, for our body is a temple, for I want to lessen the distractions that keep me from achieving my ultimate goal – Life!
What we are searching in other’s, is neglecting us in finding it in ourselves.
What are we afraid of finding in our Selves?
They say; “replace your negative thoughts with positive ones!” I say they are still thoughts. If I question the source of the negative thought, I will realize that I am. And what exactly is a negative thought, or a positive one for that matter?
Today I surrender to the fact that Life can’t and shouldn’t be understood. Today I relinquish the so-called Spiritual practices like Yoga, chanting sessions, and even decreased Meditation, for the simple reason that, there is one ultimate practice – Life! All things point to it, the simple breath, the bird on the tree, the flower and the bee, tell me to enjoy this experience, to let go and let the morning Sun’s light, the shadows of the night, flow in and through me. For I am made off all this that you see, and more.
The Half-Moon told me; “I am what you can’t see.”
Higher states of Meditation, where I twist and turn to go to work, like ants among flowers, up and down like sea snails on pebbles at seashore, like butterflies lost in fields of grain. The inconsistent uniformity of Malta’s roads and buildings is like a wild untamed jungle – thank God for that, otherwise I would be bored to death.
For me Meditation was getting a means of escapism, where I went to that place of peace in me to suppress the anger or fear in me, or to blind myself from the truth of conflict, killings and war of the World. Fuck that shit! This is it! This is why I am here, to feel everything, the blackness and whiteness of humanity, all the powerful emotions this world has to over. I want to be the one that goes into darkness as darkness himself, and when I feel up to it, I turn on myself as flame. To go into light as light herself, and when I get blinded I turn into void from which light can’t get through. I want to love the dark and light in you and me.
There must be something wrong with schools if they don’t allow little girls to go with flowers and butterflies painted on their white shoes. Uniformity, is death in it’s totality.