End of Part 1

Tags

addiction, death, drugs, life, pain, phoenix, poetry, reflection, sex, suffering, transcendence, truth

At age 12, I started resisting growing up. I felt ageless, in an aging body. There was a distorted connection between the demands of my body, what society asked, and “me being”.

Torn apart between two worlds, I was the one lost in between.

The Feminine surrounded me with its “receiving softness”. Yet, for my lack of listening, I saw only with the perception of desire, lust, and possession. I wanted to make it mine. My own twisted version of what is the “woman”, asked and sucked, more out of me.

The child and his dreams, were shadowed by the aggression of man and his nightmare.

It was inevitable, like Life itself, that I would resort to heroin. I wanted something that I believed I didn’t have, and that same thinking, demanded of me to look “outside”. That, was the nightmare. That, is war, greed, tyranny, fueled by desperation. Just to put a clear picture for you that is reading this; imagine yourself clinging to your last breath, drowning, buried alive. I thought that Life is like “that”…and from “that” I wanted to get rid of, irrelevant if it meant dying.

See what causes you pain, and try to see if you love it in a way that you want more of it, or if you are unable to let it go.

“That”, is addiction.

End of Part 1

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The Land of Eerie

Tags

ayahuasca, dance, dawn, death, discovery, drugs, kiss, life, love, meditation, Messenger, nature, now, photography, poetry, psychedelic, re-birth, reflection, search, sex, Spirituality, travelling, universe, woman

Do you know the feeling of when entering a cave, while outside the cold wind blows so hard that it tears off your skin – a devilish rupture? The first assimilation of the senses, is the welcoming warm humidity of the cave, a cosines that reminds me of home – the womb. Where all exterior sounds and noises fade in the echoing melody of water droplets falling gracefully to their destiny of rock. Placed myself in the depths of the cave, staring at walls that recited the story written in scars on my own body.

“My my, let us sing this poor boy a lullaby – bye!

Let his sickening anguish,

Through our water perish!

Drink the sour tea,

From the sacred tree.

Chew the hardened root,

In it you’ll find wisdom

– and truth.

With Her kiss, a drunken taste of mint,

She will take you through the labyrinth.

Now! …the puzzled query…

Are you ready for the land of eerie?”

Journey of Discovery

Tags

dance, dawn, discovery, drugs, friends, life, love, meditation, now, photography, poetry, reflection, Spirituality, travelling, universe

When we are given birth into this world, we are empty of knowledge, yet full of wisdom. With age, our families, society with it’s schools, employment, and structural programming of chaotic wants and neediness, start to teach us this and that. What time we have to eat. How to eat. What to dress. They try to shape us into something we are not. They try to make us believe that life is hard, so I have to be strong, tough, therefore I don’t have the luxury to feel cause I have to move on to the next thing, and next, and more, more…
The most magnificent journey we are presented with, is that of inner discovery. One that is limitless, where even the sky has no boundaries and the clouds are there to dance on. Most of us travel the Earth to get a sense of the sheer magnificence of all, others travel the dark corners of thought with drugs. Both situations isolate us from the chaotic world of social hierchy and false security. We realise that in Life there is no security. Life herself is a Goddess of insecurities. Through embracing that insecurity we become fearless. We enter a space of continuous newness…a state of godliness.
The unknown is always greater than the known. The known is limited by its own volume. The unknown doesn’t have volume, it cannot be contained.
Life is the journey of discovering one’s Self.

Search… Death… Re-Birth

Tags

dawn, death, drugs, family, friends, grief, life, photography, poetry, re-birth, search, Spirituality, universe

Since my childhood I searched for something. As soon as I thought I had found it, I would realize that it wasn’t it. I searched for friends, lovers, a family in my own enemies, than finally I found something! I found drugs who could numb my pain. But still I kept on searching till I got exhausted and a neighbour to Death. This dark lady took care of me and said; “It’s not yet your turn my child. There are yet so many things I want you to fullfill in this lifetime. Please go and recite to people that I am not to fear, for they have misunderstood, mispoken, and misinterpreted me. I love you my sweet child, I am giving to you the gift of re-birth and baptise you under my name.”

From that moment my fears lessoned, I accepted the mortality and frailty of my human body. Finally the search was coming to it’s end, for in the absence of fear sprouted in me Love. Than I knew, aah! It was what I was looking for, the Love that comes from within. A source of creation through creativity. A Love that is not needy or dependant on others or outside sources.

If I am searching for fire, how will I know that is fire if I have never seen one?
I might see forests burning and celebratory bonfires, and I would say;
“Wow that’s nice, but that is not fire!”
– Is it?

The ultimate practice – Life!

Tags

drugs, family, friends, life, meditation, photography, poetry, Spirituality, universe

I could only see myself as a burnt eternal plain, where no seeds would fall and no flowers or trees grow, no river would dare to flow. Just arid fields of pain. Well, something must have happened some 18 months ago. Still I don’t know what. I know the factual events, but what triggered them, and the grandiosity behind it all, I still can’t fathom. I now am gathered around a fire that knows no end and no beginning, together with a number of friends that one can only wish for, coming from all walks of Life, some even from that same desolate place I roamed in. Some would call it destiny, I call it; “writing our own story, with a pen called Life, on a book named Universe.” When we open up ourselves to let all that Life has to offer, in her sweet and sour tastes, greatness happens! In that greatness there is us, the ultimate Soul, God – I am!

Today I surrender to the fact that Life can’t and shouldn’t be understood. Today I relinquish the so-called Spiritual practices like Yoga, chanting sessions, and even decreased Meditation, for the simple reason that, there is one ultimate practice – Life! All things point to it, the simple breath, the bird on the tree, the flower and the bee, tell me to enjoy this experience, to let go and let the morning Sun’s light, the shadows of the night, flow in and through me. For I am made off all this that you see, and more.

The Half-Moon told me; “I am what you can’t see.”