End of Part 1

Tags

addiction, death, drugs, life, pain, phoenix, poetry, reflection, sex, suffering, transcendence, truth

At age 12, I started resisting growing up. I felt ageless, in an aging body. There was a distorted connection between the demands of my body, what society asked, and “me being”.

Torn apart between two worlds, I was the one lost in between.

The Feminine surrounded me with its “receiving softness”. Yet, for my lack of listening, I saw only with the perception of desire, lust, and possession. I wanted to make it mine. My own twisted version of what is the “woman”, asked and sucked, more out of me.

The child and his dreams, were shadowed by the aggression of man and his nightmare.

It was inevitable, like Life itself, that I would resort to heroin. I wanted something that I believed I didn’t have, and that same thinking, demanded of me to look “outside”. That, was the nightmare. That, is war, greed, tyranny, fueled by desperation. Just to put a clear picture for you that is reading this; imagine yourself clinging to your last breath, drowning, buried alive. I thought that Life is like “that”…and from “that” I wanted to get rid of, irrelevant if it meant dying.

See what causes you pain, and try to see if you love it in a way that you want more of it, or if you are unable to let it go.

“That”, is addiction.

End of Part 1

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Love!?

Tags

death, discovery, duality, life, love, re-birth, sex, universe

Love…how many times I have asked myself and wondered about the meaning of this word? Countless for sure. Lately I was caught up in another web of illusion, where Love was seen as this hippie free for all loving state of affairs. Seeking at one go more than one lover, with the selfish belief that I was spreading “love” here and there, like some magic fairy dust, culminating the pair in an orgasm. Well, realization is sometimes a tough pill to swallow, because down with it goes our pride, as shit down the shitter.
Society created the delusional belief of the “right one”, just to keep feeding the illusion we already live in. What is good for me today, can be poisonous tomorrow…those that one fine day discover that what they have been eating, was just killing them faster, surely can vouch for this. All is in change, who I was yesterday is no longer here. So how can we think that we can live with “and they lived happily ever after” motto. Face it, in every affair there will be ups and downs, and to go through them one has to practise acceptance and surrender towards oneself and others. And if after trying all that, it is still not working, well, it’s time to let go my friend…make yourself and others free! (I am telling this to myself as I am writing)
Love is the coagulated blood under the skin that forms bruises. Love is the earth in quakes, opening up huge spaces on the face of the land just to create the right environment for new species to thrive. Love is the hardship we face just till we learn that so needed lesson. Love is not bound only to man/woman, man/man, woman/woman. Love is the lioness in hunt sinking it’s claws in the deer to feed it’s cubs. Love is the black widow that kills it’s mate to have enough energy to harness eggs. Love is not free. Love needs work, work on oneself first and foremost. Love is the flow of water, dragging everything with it to the godliness of the ocean. Love is the hawk in it’s flight, and the wind under it’s wings. Love can be Death when it comes to reclaim the life of the sufferer, who got sick and tired with enduring pain that was twisting his insides and made his body twitch. Love is when night meets day, and day fades in night. Love is the darkness in ecstasy with light.
Everything has purpose, that being to serve in our growth as human beings. Getting us more and more concious of our actions and patterns. Love will swipe you of your feet, either with a gentle breeze or with a hurricane wind. Love will happen when duality ends.

Sexual Energy

Tags

energy, love, sex, sexual

One of the the first forms of art was dance. Man danced for rain when there was no tongue to sing with yet. Man danced in ecstasy, loosing himself completely to the raw sexual energy of Existence. And this sexual energy is what drives all. It brings to unity the polar opposites of male and female, dark and light. Through this same energy that in sexual intimacy we feel whole, we feel one, nothing is missing in us. Now, the thing is, that we as individuals possess both male and female polarities, to which the ritual of sex brings us closer to that polarity in us that we suppressed or never acknowledge.

Why are we afraid of loosing control?

Is it because it will throw light on that half of me that I always kept hidden, in the dark?

The Land of Eerie

Tags

ayahuasca, dance, dawn, death, discovery, drugs, kiss, life, love, meditation, Messenger, nature, now, photography, poetry, psychedelic, re-birth, reflection, search, sex, Spirituality, travelling, universe, woman

Do you know the feeling of when entering a cave, while outside the cold wind blows so hard that it tears off your skin – a devilish rupture? The first assimilation of the senses, is the welcoming warm humidity of the cave, a cosines that reminds me of home – the womb. Where all exterior sounds and noises fade in the echoing melody of water droplets falling gracefully to their destiny of rock. Placed myself in the depths of the cave, staring at walls that recited the story written in scars on my own body.

“My my, let us sing this poor boy a lullaby – bye!

Let his sickening anguish,

Through our water perish!

Drink the sour tea,

From the sacred tree.

Chew the hardened root,

In it you’ll find wisdom

– and truth.

With Her kiss, a drunken taste of mint,

She will take you through the labyrinth.

Now! …the puzzled query…

Are you ready for the land of eerie?”

The Messenger at Dawn

Tags

ayahuasca, dance, dawn, death, life, love, Messenger, nature, now, poetry, psychedelic, re-birth, sex, Spirituality, universe, woman

For Her, a name would be vain.
Her face, on each drop of rain.
The messenger that comes as thunder cutting through the sky,
silencing our secret dreams at break of dawn,
bringing the demise of our mediocre lies.
She won’t ignore our pleas, our cries,
but Her duty she must fullfill.
She will come to take with Her the children of night,
those that howl at the pale Moon,
those that dance like beasts around fire,
those that breathe the hurricane winds of stormy seas,
those that have fallen from Heaven to save what was once lost.
Let’s meet Her fury on the edge of time,
for yesterday and tomorrow death has come.
On rocky shores we will stand naked,
singing songs to Her and praises.
While the relentless waves carve the land in their own image,
blades of grass cut through the winds of change
– winds that burn History’s page.
The slaughter of time has saved us.
Greet Her with open hearts,
cause She is gentle,
She is a Mother,
A mysterious Lover.

A Place, a Space, with no Face

Tags

kiss, life, love, man, meditation, poetry, re-birth, reflection, sex, Spirituality, universe, woman

There’s a place, a space, with no face – a connection between man and woman, so deep, so innocent, beyond the pleasures of body, where ego can’t even linger in its shadow.

It’s when you share a pair of headphones, while listening to a song, sitting at the shore, observing and listening to the sea as he sculptures the land with his salty waters in the background.
When you kiss the tears coming down from each other’s eyes, holding each other tight. Where the broad shoulder of man has purpose, to hold her head high, to the bluest of skies, while she cries. Together they go revisiting each other’s past and come back as new born children.

“I see the Sun hiding behind clouds, in her morning shyness.
She just woke up and yet She shines bright.
And those comforting words that She whispers to me,
So softly bring tears to my eyes;
“I love you child”
(18,03,2015)

Value

Tags

family, life, love, meditation, poetry, reflection, search, sex, Spirituality, universe

When I was a kid my parents satisfied most of my wants, although not instantly. Being that we are two boys, my parents always had to buy two of each thing. If it was a BMX or something else, my parents saved money, and we would get it for Christmas. They didn’t buy us unnecessary things, and we always had to wait for them. They were teaching us the value of things, together with the value of waiting. I never was the type to wait, and surely was the type that always want more. I would even manipulate my brother to let me play with his toys, so while my toys were all still brand new, his were all half broken. I wanted to see how the toy works, so I would use my brother’s for that.
Since a couple of weeks back, one of my wishes was to get in bed with as much women as possible. But from last week Life taught me better. I was deluding myself in the belief that freedom is having what I want, I was wrong! I realized that to have all that I wanted meant to focus on many things at once, to again manipulate and control circumstances in my favor, which resulted in total waste of energy. I realized that in trying to obtain these wants were distracting me from my own reality.
If it’s a woman, I decide to have one, for she deserves to be given true value, for our body is a temple, for I want to lessen the distractions that keep me from achieving my ultimate goal – Life!

What we are searching in other’s, is neglecting us in finding it in ourselves.
What are we afraid of finding in our Selves?